: No matter how optimistic I can be with my life and the things that I can do through God I get heavily discouraged sometimes. I don’t really allow myself to get discouraged with things but today it seems like a lot is fighting against me.
: Tonight I met a two year old little boy named Indy. Indy has a pro skim boarder dad. Indy also likes music and power rangers. Indy dresses incredibly cute and has crazy curly blonde hair. Indy gave me flowers. I feel honored.
: One thing that has weighed heavily on my mind lately is the idea of being physically attractive. It is summertime and everyone feels the need to work out and get tan. Everyone starts to compare themselves to others. This is just what tends to happen when summer comes around. Usually I would jump on this train and do the same thing, but something stopped me this summer. I don’t really care. I realized that I don’t care if I look physically fit. If I am, then great. I enjoy doing yoga which is about as good as it gets for me. I don’t care how tan I am or how perfect my skin looks. I don’t have time to really care about it so much. The fact that I didn’t really care for these things in preparation for summer has left me feeling terrible about myself. That is never a good place to be, to feel terrible about yourself, that is. A girl should not feel as though the only worth she has is in her beauty. When she feels as though she has no beauty, she should never feel worthless, yet this often happens. It makes me terribly sad. Not only because I’ve felt this way before or am currently feeling this way, but because a lot of people make a lot of girls feel this way on a regular basis. This breaks my heart.
: My band since sixth grade is FINALLY back on tour. Brand New I shall see you one way or another. I have no problem flying up to Seattle just to see you. To say that I am excited really doesn’t sum me up at the present moment. AH!
: Last night I opened up my “Words and thoughts” journal (No Shame), but while I did something jumped out at me: a verse Psalm 27:14 ” Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart: Wait I say on the Lord.” this was absolutely a God moment. I’ve had a lot of conversations today about the future and what it brings and the different things that are going on in general. One thing I remember saying to someone is that I feel as if this is my time to sit and wait with a heart that is at peace with God’s plan. This has been the hardest thing for me because I am not one to wait, but God has given me amazing peace and security about it. My heart most definitely needs more strengthening and all I have left is to but wait upon the Lord. It is an interesting place to be in and one that I have yet to really experience. Here I am completely stuck so to speak, but I do believe I am at rest with the plan God has for me even if it has yet to be revealed.
: I don’t think I’ve felt so emotional in quite a while. Mostly because I’m simply not an emotional person. I don’t let myself be, but these past couple of weeks have been nothing but one big emotional rollercoster. A lot of doors in my life have been coming to a close. A season is coming to an end and God is bringing me into a new one. It has been hard to accept. Even though I may technically have one more year of high school left I feel as if I am done. I’m moving on and the years of being a high school student are over. Many friends are moving on. Some to Uganda, some to Seattle, and others relatively close. Either way things won’t be quite the same anymore. Looking back at everything that has been done in these past four years of life has been crazy. It makes me sad but also filled with joy because of how much I’ve grown and the friends around me have grown. I’m absolutely terrified to go forth and embark into a new season of life but I know my God has a plan.
Ephesians 2:10 “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them”.
: I don’t want to talk about You like You’re not in the room
I want to turn my faith into action
I want to look right at You
I long to seek Your face
I need to sing right TO You
I want my voice to rise like a sweet smelling incense all for You
I want to be Your hands and feet oh God
I long to LOVE others like You do
I want to see through Your eyes so that I may see all the things that I’ve been missing
I need Your consuming fire inside of me
All these things I long to do every day of my life because of my absolute love for my living God. God is amazing and He is always working in my life. These are things I long to do in return. These are things I feel called to do.
: Today could quite possibly have been one of the best days in a while. Rock Climbing and Hiking are things meant to be done barefoot. Yes I did say barefoot. Adventurin’ through God’s creation with two great people is a time well spent. I’m completely exhausted and my feet are absolutely raw but it was all well worth it. I’m feeling a rock climbing summer coming on.
: Grad night. Though I’m not a grad as of yet I still had the opportunity to go to Grad Night at Disneyland. Dancing. Rides. People. Dancing. New friends. Dancing. and Eating. Thats pretty much what the night consisted of. I never thought I’d spend literally all night at Disneyland but it happened! My dream come true! The sun came up and we were ready to go home and sleep. To my surprise I could only sleep three hours before getting up. To say the least I’m a zombie walking, but it was all well worth it! Memories made forever!
: Something that so incredibly frustrates me are labels and how cool people think themselves to be. I’d like to say something to those people: you are not a cool hipster. You are not “supez” indie. You are not the best Christian out there because you quote Bible verses all the time. You are not cool because of the hipster, private Christian college you attend. You are not even that great because you shop at vintage thrift stores. All you do is create something to brag about and be prideful about. All you do is create something to show the world you are better than everyone else. All you create is division. This subject has been bugging me for quite sometime now. You may think I’m ridiculous for writing this because yes, I do shop at thrift stores (mostly because its cheaper and more fun) and yes, I do also quote Bible verses from time to time and yes, I do think the college I want to attend is the best one for ME. But, to be honest, I don’t do it to sound better than others. I don’t do it because it is “what’s in” at the moment. I do it because it is me. It is the same me that I’ve been for 17 years. I will not conform to what society has labeled as “cool” and I will not conform to the idea of being “cool”. It is people like you that make me so incredibly mad. Just love Jesus and be known for that.